Its my first sonnet, it sucks, so be critical!! Constructive Critism!!
Seriously, be honest...I can take it :)
The future is dark,
A tunnel of uncertainty,
No clear path on which to embark,
Guidance offered limitedly,
People come and go,
Often causing voids of despair,
Many shine as others cease to a shadow,
Good riddance I sometimes declare,
Old flames linger,
A light shines in the distance,
Laughter now louder,
But clarity requires patience:
I embrace the light,
Yet my heart must affirm the sight.
3 comments:
Fine! i'll be critical, i don't mind ;) But first let me just say that its really nice. Especially because I have background information on the speaker. "Old flame"? haha I understood everything perfectly. And just so you know, I better be one of the people that "shine", not one that "causes voids of despair and ceases to a shadow". Ok well, as long as thats clear, I have no negative comments. WOW! that must mean you wrote an extraordinary poem! way to go melsha! :P
Melda, it really is measningful...and I think Sirena has exlained everything about knowing exactly who the poet is...
Unlike usual sonnets,I think your volta is probably line 10, rather than 9. It makes your sonnet more original!
I like how you say, "People come and go" because it is really try and it gives your sonnet a more personal touch!
Already posted lots of comments and I just visited your blog to read your poem but after reading it I felt like I had to say that it is somehow haunting. That probably wasn't the theme of it initially but somehow it struck me as exactly that. The last two verses made the theme obvious: heartbreak and adjusting to the changes that follow. Thumbs up :)
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